Quarter of a Century

The other day I was walking along, minding my own business, when I realized it was April 1, which is one month from May 1, which is the day I turn 25 years old. First of all, holy crap how is it already April (and why is it still so damn cold outside)? Second of all, how on earth did I get this old?! I know that most people would think that 25 is still young, very young, but they are looking back at it from an older age. I don't mean this to sound cruel (you old fogies! kidding), but rapidly approaching it from what feels like barely 21 (and still getting carded every. single. time) is SCARY. I am becoming a grownup, a real grownup, not just one played by a barely out of college, early 20's character (you guys I still wear clothes I had in high school. How am I in my mid-20's already?!). I need to figure out what the hell I want to do with my life. PhD? If no, then what? Stay in Chicago? Go back to Austin? I was so caught off guard and overwhelmed by the whole thing I had to stop in my tracks and catch my breath. I almost had a full-blown panic attack right there on some random sidewalk in Hyde Park. Not a good place to be unconscious, is all I'm saying. I guess I just need to get better at dealing with uncertainty and change. In a little over two months I will graduate, and need to get a job. Most of my friends and the boy will be fleeing Chicago (ugh, more on that later...), and while I initially thought I would stay, what's the point? I love this city but if I stay here I will have to start over from scratch. I'll need a new apartment, preferably in a neighborhood with a lower crime rate than Hyde Park. I'll need a job that will give me health insurance, and finding said job will surely be a nightmare. I won't have any friends to speak of because the people I'm close to are all leaving Chicago for one reason or another. Somehow, though, going back to Austin feels like failure.