Inch By Inch

Well. That wasn't quite as bad as it could have been but I still can't eat very much of anything. I know everyone is going to feel really bad for me when I tell you how much weight I've lost but really, a 25 year old should see triple digits, not double, when she looks down at the scale. So Monday morning I ate my Last Supper of Mexican food and Margaritas and then Tuesday we were off really freaking early to get this gum surgery thing done. I had to take about 7 pills at 6am and then we headed to Austin to the periodontist's office. I was pretty zonked by the time we got there but I was actually awake for the whole surgery, which was not what I was expecting. They whisked me from the waiting room to the surgery chair and injected me with about 17 numbing shots before I even knew what was happening. I remember trying to think about other things and not the fact that the doctor was slicing open the roof of my mouth. My pulse was through the roof the entire time, which is something I remember the doctor talking about a lot, but I was apparently very unconcerned and everything ended up ok in the end anyway. Then my mom and I got back into the car and on the way back home we had a bleeding situation that may have ruined one of my favorite shirts. Oh well. I spent most of the day sleeping and taking pain medication. Yesterday I felt well enough to take a shower, watch several girly movies, and eat mashed potatoes for dinner, which was very exciting. Today I got up and cleaned the kitchen while everyone else was at work. Now I'm sitting around blogging in my pajamas and avoiding doing work from home. The pain isn't terrible but I am still extremely limited in what I seem to be able to eat, which kind of worries me because hello, I need to eat and be able to function like a normal human. I start a new job on Monday, for Pete's sake, I can't just loaf around the office in my pajamas with a kleenex and an ice pack stuck to my face.

You know what it feels like? It kind of feels like I ate way too much sour candy and now the roof of my mouth is making my eyebrows sweat. And I know that sounds so very weird but just think for a minute back to the last time you got overzealous with the sour patch kids at the movies and then couldn't feel the roof of your mouth with your tongue without breaking an eyebrow sweat and that, my friends, is how I've felt for the last three days. Well that and like I've been kicked in the face by a horse where they sewed gum back onto my lower jaw. Really, does it ever end? When I was in seventh grade I had to get a rapid palette expander, which made a bit ole gap in my front teeth and was awfully painful as it split my upper palette apart to make more room in my mouth. Many many kids made fun of me. Then I got braces. That sucked. Then when I got to high school I finally got my braces off and lo and behold, the wisdom teeth had to come out. That also sucked. Everything was ok for a few years until I found out I had to get braces again and oh yeah, MAJOR JAW SURGERY. That sucked way more than anything else teeth-related ever. Thank god that's over. Oh wait, gum graft surgery! Cavities! Two root canals! It never freaking ends. Ugh. On the upside, I'm headed back to Chicago on Saturday with enough Vicodin to tranquilize a horse. Paaarty!