Sunday, December 21, 2008
I don't know that I'll ever get married. I mean, it's a nice a idea, and I'm not opposed to it for other people (lord knows many of my friends are married or well on their way) but I don't know that it's right for me. Most of the people I know are in serious relationships, or engaged, or already married. I've had three serious relationships and all of them I've thought, at some point (usually towards the end of the relationship, how telling) that I would not marry that person. Why stay with someone you're not going to marry? I mean, there is something to be said for having fun, but I'm old enough that having fun is something I can do without a boy. With them, it gets to a point where it's probably just kind of a waste of my time. I don't really see myself spending the rest of my life with just one person. I have no idea what I want. Phd? Maybe. Living abroad for a while? Probably. Going back to Austin, TX, getting married young, and working in a job I hate just to make ends meet? Not bloody likely. And I know that marriage isn't like that, not always at least, but so much is up in the air for me right now that I can't fathom committing to someone else and having to take into consideration what they are doing and when and where. How on earth would I fit that in with what I want? I don't know what job I want, I don't know if I'm done with education, I really honestly don't know if I want kids. These eggs aren't getting any younger, and I do not want kids without a partner-person who is obligated BY LAW to HELP ME. So who knows if that will actually happen either. The thing is, I'm ok with that. I guess what I'm trying to put into words is the things that I've been thinking for quite some time now. I might not get married. Ever. And it will probably be awesome at some times, and lonely at others. Thing is, I'm ok with that. I think.